One of those cold crispy days in Maine. A snow storm had come through, a beautiful surprise from out of the blue- Maya texted a day earlier to shoot. It’s difficult to find anyone willing to shoot in the snow, I ended up enjoying the challenge of 10 exposures and pre-visualizing the shots. We met off the coast of Cape Elizabeth and finished a roll of Cinestill 120 800T. She later explained she got sick from this, I had some survivors remorse as I didn’t become sick, and during the shoot I was bundled up and somehow still cold. I wish I connected in the summer with her, I’m sure I will at the right time, but to hold poses and keep the face looking natural in that storm, I mean, she’s a real professional. An hour must have gone by until we parted ways and I enjoyed the Christmas lights on the way home as it snowed. I remember pretending the houses I was driving by were mine, that I had somehow made it and found a love, and a place to call home.
I value my time in Maine, though most days were a struggle. I was being taught wisdom from a higher plane, the sobriety of living alone. With absolutely no comfort and no distractions, each moment was real. Each new day was a struggle to find work, difficult to find friends, clouds of loneliness each day, it was my first winter. On shoot days those feelings would dissipate although I would still have an underlining sense of sadness, as it had become a part of me. In hindsight I could recognize the gift I had, I could still see beauty with the absence of emotion.
